sackcloth and ashes

I’ve been turning over tables in my own living room for years, but has it changed anything?

I’ve tried to work from the inside of an organization to see change on the outside, but I grew tired and gave up.  I went somewhere where the change was already made.. almost.  Was that right in the eyes of God, Im unsure?

I’m dressed in a disguise, to fit into the culture so people will think I am the same, but in my heart I am different.  My eyes are different, my hands are different, my words are different -- or so I’d like to think.

Why is it so hard to be in this world and not of it.  I know what God wants from me, but why am I not willing to give up my money, my whole heart, the things that comfort me and my whole life?

Some days I am willing to put on sack cloth and ashes and walk through the city, but somedays I put on my name brand shoes, leather jacket and sit in a complacent building full of other people who are willing to compromise.

when will I be willing to stand up within that building, tear off the chains that are tied around our bodies and put on the sack cloth and ashes? When will I begin to pray?