we can't understand it, nor are we consciously aware of it.
We contextualize things in our tiny brains.. the way WE feel when we are disappointed, or afraid of rejection or are untrusting.
But God is always there, loving us. When we sin, when we are angry with Him, when we IGNORE him.. he's always there. He's a jealous God, but He without reserve loves us?
I can never really understand His love for me, I keep listening to this song over and over.. trying to comprehend what His love feels like, what it means to me.. but I never can quite get there.
I feel so far from that love.. I feel I put up walls of unworthiness that are full of regrets. How can I deserve the kind of love you thrust on me? How do I with all of the things I've done against you consciously thank you for the love you give to me, when I know that for my whole life I will keep making mistakes.. and hurt you. Why can't this life be a place where we understand what your love looks like. It comes in so many forms and shapes, that I sometimes feel as though Im empty... I'm all tapped out of love to give, but in my emptiness, weakness, you are so strong.. you show your love so much more than I can understand or comprehend sometimes.
tonight as I think about my saviour I think about the way He loves me.
even though Im sinful, daily.
even though I yell at him when things don't go my way
even though I ignore him daily
even though I take His name in vain.
he loves us, oh how he loves us.
tonight " my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I dont have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us...."