Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dance, Pain, and God.

    I know some many mock me for this entry, but I am truly moved by what I have seen and the emotion and it has evoked cannot be ignored.  I absolutely love dance, art, music, anything that creatively communicates something; someone's struggle, love, peace, anything.  Last week there was a dance on so you think you can dance, I did not see it however I scoped it out on "youtube".  This video almost brings me to tears every time.  It communicates the relationship between an addict and their addiction.  It shows with emotion so much of the pain they try to hide, and run from.  The minute they enter into that relationship of pain and suffering, the minute it takes them captive.  I have never struggled with such, but I have always wanted to understand how someone's pain can be hidden so deep that it allows them to come to the point of destruction.  I struggled with this thought earlier today during a conversation about people who experience pain, and subsequently resort to cutting.  Many people (with a higher coincidence within that of young teen girls) cut their arms, legs, whatever is available to control their pain, to ease their suffering.  Why is it that so many people are suffering, and choose to self destruct bit by bit.

This dance emanates the evil and the pain that is dug deeper with the infusing life of an addiction.  I cannot imagine or dream what it would be like to live with the constant stinging of a pain that cannot be forgotten.  I do however understand and know the loving power that can heal those places deep within that are forgotten by everyone but the owner of the pain.  Those places that are not always visible, but always present.  I have experienced deep hurt, and pain in this world.  Maybe not as sharp or deep as some, but deep enough to wound.  I am now in a season of joy and restoration.  Many people ask me "why do you still live at home".  This is such a loaded and hard question to answer.  It is part of my story of the root to my pain.  I took a part of the pain and suffering my father went through in the last years of his life.  Cancer is not an addiction by ANY stretch of the imagination, but does cause pain and suffering for not only the person battling it but the family and friends surrounding them.  I want to emanate so much of my fathers restoration and love that I don't even need to use words. St. Francis of Assisi once said, "Preach the Gospel always, and when necessary use words".  

My dream, my passion my life long aspiration is to be a person of hope, to be an adversary for the weak, wounded and weary.  To take part of their burden if only for a season so they can be restored fully as God would long for them to be.  To love and respect those who need an encouraging spirit, for those who need a healing place to stay.  May my life forever emulate Gods love and healing power through the battles i've gone through and the people I care for. 

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