I just had one of those moments that "change your complete outlook on life". We all have moments where we think we won't make it, where we think we should just give up..
and the past two years of my life has been a battle to overcome those thoughts.
In my first year of University, within the first three months I had lost the most important thing to me in the world, my father. It was a hard year, and just beginning university scared me to pieces. I thought my whole life would crumble after my dad passed, in the month preceding his death I thought constantly.. I can't do this, I can't continue university... sometimes even life. It was a battle to go from the hospital to my classes, but I did it.
Then when my dad passed, I had feelings of peace, I knew where he was, and I knew what i had to do. So I kept going to school, working, being a friend, sister, daughter, all my roles. Then it happened again.. I finished my first year of University with an average I needed!!! I was so surprised.. and I thought.. I CAN do this.
After school was over, I had a decision - to go to LA or to stay home and make money like a responsible student. Again I decided to take LA, for obvious reasons THE DREAM CENTER!! my dream.. for so many years to work there.
I did it. I thought I would be so afraid of the big city and working in the projects, on skid row being away from my family and friends. After a few months passed I thought I couldn't come home.. I thought it was going to be the hardest thing I ever did since apart of my heart now resides and is embedded within the dream center in LA.
When I came home, I had to face grieving again school, everything. Life is so hard sometimes, but when we DO IT.. its so rewarding. This past semester was the hardest of my life.
You see I have a diagnosed learning disability, which shocks some people - but in reality it affects a lot of my life, but isn't really different from the way other people learn. Its a win/loose to have a learning disability. You win because the school goes out of its WAY financially to help you.. which I love. The loose part is that you have to work harder than anyone in the school to obtain good grades. The disability I have, basically affects my working memory, so in order to succeed in tests/exams I have to the material basically like the back of my hand.. which yes is the same as most people... and I don't really understand why I am different, but im not going to argue with the support they give me.
Today I was afraid to look at my midterm social work mark because this last semester I've worked hard, but not as hard as I wanted to. So I logged into my account, and looked at my mark... it was so much better than I expected, and it hit me.. I can't do it, but with the strength God gives me daily, the encouraging friends I have, the family that loves me --
I can do SO MANY things...
I have this passion God gave me, to encourage and build peoples self esteem and belief in their selves, but its so hard sometimes to do the same for myself.
I can do it. Even though life is hard, and hurts, and breaks me sometimes, but its so beautiful when you know you can overcome!
So with the end of this year, and the beginning of a new season for me I ask WHATS next? what expectation of myself can I overcome?
happy NEW year.
ps: “The ultimate measure of a person is not where he/she stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he/she stands at times of challenge and controversy.” -Martin Luther King Jr.
- ► 2010 (23)
- ▼ 2009 (50)