I got really mad at God today.... for things that are really MY fault. I live in this space of the world that promotes socialization through eating out and buying things, that perpetuates the idea that more is better, and cosmetics are more appealing than natural beauty. I want to live in a place where eating out isn't an option, and buying new clothes isn't a stress reliever. I want to live in a place where walking barefoot is the way of life. I never thought I would be that person.. that wants to be free.. I thought I would always want new shoes, and a pretty haircut. All I long for right now is to run around with children in the heat of the day and tell them they are beautiful no matter where they come from.
This whole thought began with thoughts of LA.. which my summer was a total contradiction. I spent time in the ghettos, and projects of LA.. but then I went down to the americana at night and walked the carefully cut grass (which we weren't even allowed to step on), and for a minute forgot about the poverty just down the road. I don't want to forget about the poverty or the injustice those children experience everyday. I want to live next to them, I want to stand up for them. I want to play in the streets with them. I want to wake up every morning and pray to God that my entire being emanates his love for those who are starving for love, peace, and food.
I don't want to live in a place where girls think you might steal their boyfriends for no apparent reason, I don't want to sit in star bucks and pay 5 bucks for a coffee anymore, I want to be free from this materialistic part of the world and I want to do life differently. I want to be free from university where students file into classes after driving their BMW's just to learn what other people want to teach us, and and drink their americanas from starbucks.
but today I sit in my warm house, and listen to music on myspace, only to think.. I wish I had more clothes.
I am a hypocrite, but today I want to change that. I want to think differently, I want to walk into a store barefoot (in the summer), I want to hang out downtown and hand out scarfs, I want live life the way Jesus would.
I want to start today. Where do I even begin?