Seven Pounds ..?

If theres one thing you know about me, its that I talk during movies. Its just something that my friends and family have to/or have learned to accept about moi. I just get emotionally involved, and I feel the need to debrief after movies. So after I went to see "Seven Pounds", I felt the need to debrief...so here I am.

If you haven't seen this movie do not read this, but if you have.. read on.
Will Smith, in my eyes can do NO wrong, and this movie was NO exception. The man can choose a script/act. This movie forced me to think and evaluate many things..

first being our lives.. he spent the remains of his life (before committing suicide -which I didn't partiularly like) giving to other people. Giving them bone marrow, lungs, kidneys.. which again is extreme... But if we spent our lives giving ourselves to one another 100% instead of half of ourselves.. this place would be far better. In my previous blog I discussed this battle of complacency vs action. This is my struggle... I want to give up things in this life for others.. its what my heart longs to do, but I think I did so for so long, and maybe too much that I began to resent it... so I stopped in certain areas of my life -the giving I mean. I stopped caring as much, I stopped loving. But Im finally trying to find a balance.. between boundries, and giving.

I think the life of Mother Theresa is fascinating. She gave of herself, until her dying day. She took care of people most wouldn't dare touch. She lived a life amongst the poor, needy, and dying. The messege I forced out of Seven pounds, is "live life abundantly". Tell people how lovely they are just because you know they dont hear it, care for those who go unnoticed, love without reserve no matter how much it hurts, and don't live this life for yourself.

This year I dont want to make new years resoloutions, I want to make changes in the new year.

4 months later.

I've been home now for almost 4 months.. longer than I was away. Its so odd, how you can be physically far away from a place, but still feel it so close. When I came home, I was angry. More so than Ive been in years, angry about the past, angry that my father was gone, angry that I still lived at home, and angry that I have to be separated from all that my heart desired. For this entire semester I have been dealing with this anger, from mourning, from life. I would say "at least I know and can recognize im angry" to friends that would ask and question it.

Im no longer scared of being in this place, scared of being without my father and on my own (in a way). The loneliness I felt coming home was one of mystery, I couldn't put my finger on it... but it was as if I was leaving an environment where the love God had put within me for others could be poured out into the streets, into the hearts of the lonely and hurting. It was a place where my arms were outstretched continuously.

When I came home I had changed, and some noticed, others didn't. But I noticed within myself the battle between complacency vs action to change injustice.

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” Helen Keller

Beauty in walking away.

This journey has been hard, tiring, exhausting, but very exhilarating.. and I dont even want to leave. So much of me was too afraid to come here, but now with all that I am I fear coming home. Its only been 2 months, but I feel so different - I feel more myself - more aware of where im going - even though I dont even know the future.. I know the next step the next moment.

Tonight im venturing out to skid row to love on people there. Theres nothing like this place. Theres nothing better.

The people Ive met here will be forever written on my heart, and in my life. I can't explain who ive met or the places ive gone with them. Its just been an adventure. I have come to understand that music is something God has given me to heal my soul, to get me through the day, to explain how I feel. It's what my dad gave me, its what he wrote on my heart. The art in the way he lived was simple and plain - but it was forever beautiful. So with that being said - the lyrics of this song encapsulate my journey... walking away from life back home, now walking away from this place and people ive grown to love so deeply.





Beauty in walking away.

A light shines off in the distance A pale flickering glow How many times do I have to dream that I could be there The time is here and she won't be waiting for me to find the easy way out I've lost count of the days that were wasted

There's an answer in the sound of a train There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain There's a beauty in walking away I float on the streets that are empty Take the path that the wind only knows Tonight is the last time that I'll ever be here

There's an answer in the sound of a train There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain There's a beauty in walking away It's never quite simple, it's never that safe It never seems perfect until it's too late It's never the right time to find a new way There's an answer in the sound of a train There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay

There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain There's a beauty in walking away.

I love you all so much, and I will see you in two and a half weeks!!!

Jessica

seeking truth in love, life, and LA.

Truth is something I desire to speak in my life, over others, this world, instituions, situations, and most importantly myself.

The mere thought of the word truth is simple, its plain.. it means what is real, what is obvious..
but for me it means more. I feel I need to speak truth into my own heart and mind before I can stand up for truth in other peoples lives -which is what I long to do.

To be able to be a woman of truth I need to be honest with myself about
what I deserve
what I desire
what God has for me
what I need to give up or add to my life in order to fulfill those things

This is the place I sit, pondering how truth is realitive in my life, and how strongly I will stand for it.

Will I stand? will I speak? will I love?

The boys.

This is a glimpse at the fantastic teens I get to hang out with everyweek. They are amazing dancers, and will be famous oneday. Last weekend at SNR (youth service) they got to show off their ridiculous talent. I love them with all my heart, and you should all be praying for them. They are amazing boys that will one day turn into men of God.

Last saturday some of my friends and I took four of them to the beach for the fourth of july, and for Ray (one of the boys) birthday. We all had a fantastic day espically Ray, which he deserves more than any of you know, or I could explain. Keep praying for their saftey and guidance.

Jessica.

My lifes purpose.

Out of the projects and off the streets arise a generation of youth who are broken and beaten, phsyically and emotionally.

Out of the streets of these neighbourhoods come talent, grace and ability.

Out of these youth come the next generation of art and talent and business.

what are we doing to cherish them, what are we doing to empower them, how will
they ever arise out of the desert without some guidance.

they will arise - out of anger or empowerment

its OUR duty and responsibility to tell them they are beautiful, talented and blessed by God.

Its MY lifes purpose to see through the pain and ugliness of THEIR world and see beauty wholeness, and hope for THEIR future.

The first week of my journey.

Dear family,

I arrived safetly in LA, and have gotten settled. I hope ya'll (thats the states coming out already) are still praying for me. Its so amazing here at the dream center, I have attached some pictures.. (not too many) for your viewing pleasure; one of the dream center, some of new friends I have met (from ALL over the world, switzerland, sweden, all over the US, etc..), some of the cafe I am currently typing in, and some of the palm trees so you can envy me.. haha. Kidding I wouldn't want you to do that.

So to give you a glimpse of how 24/7 this place is.. I will tell you about my week. The rest of the summer I will be serving with Metro Kidz (which is right up my alley), but this week im just bouncing around from ministry to ministry to experience the center.

Monday I got in and set up in my room, I still dont have ANY roomates so it makes for some lonely times, but im sure i'll miss them when my two other roomates come in. Monday night I met some amazing people and we went to Vons (grocery store), and walked around the block.. but I was SO TIRED by the time I was done.

Tuesday I began ministry right away, in the morning was a campus wide meeting and we came together for a good word, and some crazy games. Then in the afternoon I joined in ministry with hope for the homeless youth, which is a ministry that goes to several different sites around LA - we went to venice beach, which was beautiful but was so crazy. La is a funny place you can go to a public place and see tones of homeless walking amongst the richest of the rich. It seems so wrong, and contridictory. We went down there I gave my testimony to a crowd we gathered, and then we prayed and ate with some of the homeless. That was very amazing, but my week gets even more eye opening.

On wednesday I began minsitry in the morning with a ministry called gifts in Kind, we unpacked boxes of things people donated from beverly hills for foster care here in LA, and the metro kidz ministry (families in the projects). In the afternoon I joined under the bridge ministry - in the mornings they go down to neighbourhoods and tell the people they are handing out food etc in the afternoon. So I joined in the afternoon and we went to Skid Row. If you dont know what Skid Row is, you need too.. its the most eye opening experience I think I will ever have. Its a full block of drug addicts, homeless, pimps, prosititues etc. We stayed in packs dont worry im safe.. I know some of you moms are worried.. espically mine. So we set up inside of a shelter and handed out food sort of like ark aid, but on a larger scale. Some of us talked and prayed with people, some of us served food.

Then Thursday in the morning I served with adopt a block - which is a ministry that goes into the community to serve. In the morning they do pratical things like clean up parks and neighbourhoods, which is what I did. We went and cleaned up a park that was strung with bottles, garbage etc.. In the afternoon I made phone calls for them in the office to remind volunteers to be at adopt a block on satruday. What happens on saturday is volunteers meet in the gym of the dream center, and we have different sites. Then we'll go out to those sites and just spend the day serving, playing with kids, feeding people etc.. then they come back to angeles temple with us for church. i'll tell you how my first adopt a block experience was after. Thursday night I went to church but I went with the bus ministry to skid row, and picked up people. This just rocked me to the core, yes I saw the place days earlier, but just talking with people and praying with them and spending the time to sit with them in church was amazing. - it made me not want to take them back, and as they filed off the bus -some waiting till everyone got off because they didn't want to go back, I thought.. God.. why these people, why do they suffer so much, why can't them climb out of the hole that is life for them and live in victory. I guess everyone of them can with a little love, and help.


I have to tell you family, we have it good -- this life that we live in -with all of the faults and bills we need to pay is not EVEN comparable to the pain some might feel that live in skid row, the abandonment of family members, the anxiety of where food or clothing might come from next. So next time I look at my clothes and think, I have nothing to wear I am going to shake my head and thank God for all he has blessed me with.

So I will give you constant updates via this blog, so you can come and read whenever you want instead of being bombarded by emails from moi.

I love you ALL so very much!!!

PS. My new nickname is "the Canadian", and im grouped in with the foreigners another guy named Jesse, and two girls from from sweden and switzerland Which I find hysterical.

PPS. the reason for this blog is because A/facebook doesn't work during the day and b/ it doesn't work on my computer and I need to get it fixed any soloutions??