Monday, July 19, 2010

They say

What they say, goes. It gets brought up in a discussion "but they say we should turn this way", or used as a validation for a point "they say its better to love and have lost then to never have loved at all". Who are THEY anyways? Who are they to judge what is right in every situation, in every moment.

They said that I probably wouldn't make it to university. I remember my teachers not believing I was smart, they might not have said it, but they said it with their looks and disbelief in my abilities. They never gave me chances to learn, be educated, or create. They said i'd never make it - I'm almost there. They've been saying my whole life who I am - white, good with kids, pretty looking, kind, the good one. - and who I will be, a good wife, mother, citizen, etc.

They say lots of things.

They say this year that although I did well in school Im not eligible for a program I've been working towards for 3 years. They said that my dream of becoming what I thought I was supposed to isn't offered to me at this time. They said I should continue with my current track of study.

They also say that maybe I should go out with him, maybe I should kiss him, maybe I should move away, maybe I should stay, maybe I should try this or that. They say too much, think too much, put too much on me.

I say that I am smart and beautiful and patient but sometimes tested too far. I say that inside Im angry and mean, and arrogant. I say that I can make it through anything that comes up against me, I say that I want to kiss him or date that one, but I say I know its not what I need right now. I say that this program isn't the right thing for me, and maybe I knew it all along but wanted to prove to myself I could fit into their mould, I could create within the institution. I say that I heard along time ago that the Lord knew the plans for my life to prosper not to hard me, to give me a hope AND a future.

I say that today Im going to stop listening to them, and begin listening to Him, I will believe only what God tells me about myself and not even what I think about myself. I will only listen to wise women and men who've lived long enough and struggled with pain for years and know God, because those who have not - have nothing to say.

They have nothing to say. Then why are we are all still listening.

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