These past few months, past year -
I've been reading Gods word, calling out His name and working through trusting Him. I think maybe I forgot how to trust God without reserve, because I lost my father, maybe that's the reason... I don't know. All I know is that I forgot how to trust. This season of my life is a large trust exercise. I am learning that I can't put my plan into the mix - its always a non negotiable.. haha. That I must wake up every morning and allow God to work through me, instead of doing it on my own. I guess I think sometimes I've been "independent" doing it "on my own" for so long, but really its been God the whole time. I have to give Him all the glory.
During this season though I've been trying to hold onto things, people, places, times. God has said no - let them go, give me them as a sacrifice. I read today in the bible the story of Abraham's sacrifice. Abraham for so long prayed for a son, someone who could carry on his legacy. For me, faith is holding onto a prayer and believe God will come through. Then God told him to sacrifice his only son - the one Abraham had been waiting for. The one who seemed perfect in his eyes, the one who had just come along. Abraham had to give him to God and walk away. As Abraham walked up the mountain he must have been thinking of so many things - "how am I going to just kill my own son", his heart must have been aching, as they walked the trek for three days. Finally when they got up the mountain and he was just about to give him over to God the angel of the Lord came to him and said
"Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son".
"I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring" all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me".
Genesis 22: 16-18.
God had provided them with a Ram to sacrifice. God always provides, and comes through just when you need it. God doesn't reveal things right when YOU WANT them, but when you NEED THEM.
Abraham had faith to give up what was in his life, what he had been holding onto. I'm not sure why God calls us to give up what we love, LA, social work program, people in our lives. All I know is that it hurts, its hard, but there's purpose. There's beauty in the breakdown. So today, without reserve I will trust my father. The one who so creatively made me in my mothers womb. The one who knows my first and last breath, I will walk beside Him, and trust that His steps He's leading me towards are the ones that are best for me.
Sunday night at church we sang a song I had heart a million times in my life "tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take him at his word, just to rest him on his promise."
Sunday night I began to really think about the lyrics, I began to "trust Him more. Today as I need God to walk beside me, in front of me, around me, I will learn to trust him more.