Seven Pounds ..?

If theres one thing you know about me, its that I talk during movies. Its just something that my friends and family have to/or have learned to accept about moi. I just get emotionally involved, and I feel the need to debrief after movies. So after I went to see "Seven Pounds", I felt the need to debrief...so here I am.

If you haven't seen this movie do not read this, but if you have.. read on.
Will Smith, in my eyes can do NO wrong, and this movie was NO exception. The man can choose a script/act. This movie forced me to think and evaluate many things..

first being our lives.. he spent the remains of his life (before committing suicide -which I didn't partiularly like) giving to other people. Giving them bone marrow, lungs, kidneys.. which again is extreme... But if we spent our lives giving ourselves to one another 100% instead of half of ourselves.. this place would be far better. In my previous blog I discussed this battle of complacency vs action. This is my struggle... I want to give up things in this life for others.. its what my heart longs to do, but I think I did so for so long, and maybe too much that I began to resent it... so I stopped in certain areas of my life -the giving I mean. I stopped caring as much, I stopped loving. But Im finally trying to find a balance.. between boundries, and giving.

I think the life of Mother Theresa is fascinating. She gave of herself, until her dying day. She took care of people most wouldn't dare touch. She lived a life amongst the poor, needy, and dying. The messege I forced out of Seven pounds, is "live life abundantly". Tell people how lovely they are just because you know they dont hear it, care for those who go unnoticed, love without reserve no matter how much it hurts, and don't live this life for yourself.

This year I dont want to make new years resoloutions, I want to make changes in the new year.

4 months later.

I've been home now for almost 4 months.. longer than I was away. Its so odd, how you can be physically far away from a place, but still feel it so close. When I came home, I was angry. More so than Ive been in years, angry about the past, angry that my father was gone, angry that I still lived at home, and angry that I have to be separated from all that my heart desired. For this entire semester I have been dealing with this anger, from mourning, from life. I would say "at least I know and can recognize im angry" to friends that would ask and question it.

Im no longer scared of being in this place, scared of being without my father and on my own (in a way). The loneliness I felt coming home was one of mystery, I couldn't put my finger on it... but it was as if I was leaving an environment where the love God had put within me for others could be poured out into the streets, into the hearts of the lonely and hurting. It was a place where my arms were outstretched continuously.

When I came home I had changed, and some noticed, others didn't. But I noticed within myself the battle between complacency vs action to change injustice.

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” Helen Keller